Homemade Body Scrub That You Can Eat

I love, love, love this homemade body scrub that only has two ingredients-natural lemon juice and sugar.  I'm sure I read about this mixture somewhere, but I have no idea where; however, it could've been my idea during one of those moments of sublime genius that happens to me from time to time.

Usually lemons can be found in my kitchen, and sugar is always there seeing as how sugar is a staple cabinet item.  There's no science or math to mixing these two ingredients, and there's no equal parts or one part to two parts or whatever dipshit instructions like those mean.

Just pour sugar in a bowl and add lemon juice until you're satisfied with the consistency of the mixture.  You'll figure it out.

The sugar is going to remove dead, dull skin cells or what some Clarins make-up lady told me was the horny layer of your skin while she was looking at my skin with a sucking teeth, yuck face.  Sugar is also a natural glycolic acid, which evens skin tone, and sugar can improve the overall texture of your skin.

The lemon works as an astringent or toner minus the harsh alcohol that most drugstore astringents and toners contain, and it can tighten the skin and shrink pores.

I wouldn't use this on my face.  I'm pretty particular about the scrub I use on my face, because it should be very, very gentle, and I think that even a granule of sugar is too rough.  Please, if I can offer any advice on facial scrubs, it is to never ever under any condition use St. Ives Apricot Scrub.  That shit is like scouring your face with gravel bits.  And remember to be gentle on your face.  You don't have to rub a facial scrub in like you are sanding off three layers of lead-based paint that could kill you in 5-4-3-2-1.

Okay, so use this on your body not your face.  When you get out of the shower, apply lotion.  You're going to feel refreshed and moisturized.  Don't forget to eat the leftovers.