Daily Photo

Cash going down the slide at Delmae Elementary School, my alma mater.  Brad's at the top of the slide, and I chopped of his head.  You can see a little bit of his beard.  He's giving a shout out to the Heavy Metal Store in SLC, UT wearing his shirt "Heavy Metal Store, Peddling Evil Since 1987."

South Park Lampoons Honey Boo Boo

I commented on Google+ that watching South Park lampoon Honey Boo Boo wasn't as painful as watching the debate that had a lying, snake oil salesman, poking the lion Mittens and a lackluster, bored, indifferent, up his own ass Obama, but I'm now regretting my words.  South Park's lampoon was every bit as disturbing as the presidential debate.

The episode unfolds with James Cameron, my most hated director, diving 20,000 leagues down into the depths of the sea to raise the proverbial bar of standards.  Meanwhile, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo's ratings are soaring, Cartman gains a few extra pounds to get a prescription and insurance assistance for a motorized scooter to carry his girth, and Kyle, always the philosophical moral center, decides to make a documentary illustrating that we can be both sensitive to the obesity epidemic and intolerant of having to adjust our lifestyles to accommodate, well, motorized carts for the obese.

Token gets in on the documentary and together Token and Kyle decide to choose Cartman to be the star of their documentary, and they quickly begin chronicling Cartman's exploits.  After filming, Token edits the video footage without Kyle's knowledge.  Kyle believes he and Token are making a serious social commentary about obesity, but Token has another idea in mind that he doesn't share with Kyle.  Token assigns Cartman the moniker Fatty Poo Poo and piggybacks off the success of Honey Boo Boo to make some easy cash.  Kyle, of course, feels betrayed and is steaming mad.   

During Fatty Poo Poo's stardom, Honey Boo Boo gets a pig heart transplant from a sassy pig, and starts to mimic a pig oinking on the kitchen floor for some sketti, butter, and ketchup.  At this point, I feel outraged.  South Park should lay off the children, but it starts to become evident that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are quietly and smartly commenting on how their own show has lowered the bar.

In the end, James Cameron finds the bar, raises the bar, and people slowly begin acting with civility.  The sketti smackdown getting ready to take place between the nation's two, husky, nasty sweethearts-Fatty Poo Poo and Honey Boo Boo-is called off right in the middle of Honey Boo Boo slaughtering Fatty Poo Poo, and people in the smackdown audience collectively question why they're there watching that abomination.  Kyle looks to Stan and says something along the lines of "I wonder what this means for our future."  I think we know the answer to that.  South Park will continue to lower the bar, and I will likely continue to watch that show knowing that it's not good for me and my own personal bar.

Homemade Body Scrub That You Can Eat

I love, love, love this homemade body scrub that only has two ingredients-natural lemon juice and sugar.  I'm sure I read about this mixture somewhere, but I have no idea where; however, it could've been my idea during one of those moments of sublime genius that happens to me from time to time.

Usually lemons can be found in my kitchen, and sugar is always there seeing as how sugar is a staple cabinet item.  There's no science or math to mixing these two ingredients, and there's no equal parts or one part to two parts or whatever dipshit instructions like those mean.

Just pour sugar in a bowl and add lemon juice until you're satisfied with the consistency of the mixture.  You'll figure it out.

The sugar is going to remove dead, dull skin cells or what some Clarins make-up lady told me was the horny layer of your skin while she was looking at my skin with a sucking teeth, yuck face.  Sugar is also a natural glycolic acid, which evens skin tone, and sugar can improve the overall texture of your skin.

The lemon works as an astringent or toner minus the harsh alcohol that most drugstore astringents and toners contain, and it can tighten the skin and shrink pores.

I wouldn't use this on my face.  I'm pretty particular about the scrub I use on my face, because it should be very, very gentle, and I think that even a granule of sugar is too rough.  Please, if I can offer any advice on facial scrubs, it is to never ever under any condition use St. Ives Apricot Scrub.  That shit is like scouring your face with gravel bits.  And remember to be gentle on your face.  You don't have to rub a facial scrub in like you are sanding off three layers of lead-based paint that could kill you in 5-4-3-2-1.

Okay, so use this on your body not your face.  When you get out of the shower, apply lotion.  You're going to feel refreshed and moisturized.  Don't forget to eat the leftovers.

I Need a Good Dry Shampoo

I was using dry shampoo before it was cool, okay.  Yea, I was, and it was my little secret, a well kept secret that I didn't share with anyone.  Dry shampoo, at that time, wasn't easy to come by like it is now.  I was using the cult favorite, Batiste, in the blush scent.  Psst, like Batiste, has been around forever, but I've never tried it, because the bottle looks too old timey shaving cream can for my grandpa.  Ick.  Batiste works well.  I would give my hair and blast or two of this stuff, brush it out, and my hair would have a little volume to it, which was an added bonus.  I'd throw may hair up in a higher pony tail than usual with a little hair height at the crown of my head, and be skipping happy I got away with not washing my hair.

Well, I got cheap or cheaper.  It's not as if Batiste is expensive, but I went with the even cheaper Sauve.  This stuff sucks.  I blast it in my hair, and it turns my hair a gray-ish tint from the pressurized powdery substance in the can, which upsets me, because I can't seem to get that gray-ish color out once I blast it in.  It takes a lot of the Sauve to absorb the oil in my hair too.  I keep using it, because I'm going to feel guilty if I throw it out, but I'm going to throw it out one of these days after it dyes my hair gray, and I'm stomping mad.  The kind of stomping mad that can only be calmed with some chocolate and a Diet Coke or a cocktail. 

Don't skimp on a dry shampoo if you can help it.  If Sauve sucks, I bet Tresemme and all those other drugstore brands aren't so great either.  I'm going to go back to Batiste or I might buy Bed Head Rockaholic Dirty Secret Dry Shampoo, because I like the name.  Now, isn't that a smart shopper?  No, it's not.

Got suggestions on a good dry shampoo?

Yea, That's My Face Cream Beside the Cheese and Deli Meat. So?

I keep my face cream and my eye cream in the refrigerator, and when I put it on I go to heaven for a minute or two and shake hands with St. Peter on a cloud.  Then, I come back.

There are a few benefits to keeping your face and eye cream in the refrigerator.  First, there's a cooling sensation, and that's the handshake with St. Peter on a cloud experience.  The second benefit is that you're likely to not over apply, because the refrigeration firms and thickens the creams.  Since the creams are firm and thick, you feel like you don't need as much.  It's probably a brain trick, but it works.  My creams have lasted longer since going in the fridge.  I do know that much, and I think it's because of that little brain trick.  The cold application of the cream can help to tighten pores, which is another added bonus.  Beyond that, I don't know if there are any additional benefits, but it does make for a nice experience, and it does make a cream last longer, which is important to a lot of us during this time of economic woe.

I don't know if creams can have temperature shock when they are moved from cold to hot.  It's not funny, because your cream really can get shocked.  How would you like that to happen to you?  I always leave mine in the fridge, and don't move them.  That might be something for you to consider.  Moving from temperature to temperature could compromise the integrity of the cream as in that cream might go whoring it up.  No, silly.  Compromise the integrity as in it might weaken the ingredients of the cream.

Daily Photo

The Snapping Turtle that Brad and I saved.  We found it in his parents' neighbor's yard, and we captured it, put it in a plastic box, and dropped it off in the river.  It did a scared pee in the box.  See in the corner.  Poor, sad, little turtle.  We made it happy again though.

Two Halloween Hotties to Go Batty Over

 

 

Before Elvira was even wearing a training bra, there was Vampira, the first TV horror hostess with the mostest and I mean mostest as in cup size.  Her self-titled show ran for maybe a year in the mid 50s, and there were around 50 episodes, with a running time of an hour and a half each, all of which aired only in LA on an ABC affiliate network. 

Vampira had impossibly long nails and an even longer cigarette holder, and she'd do a seductive lounge on a velvet, Victorian settee while introducing the various D-List horror pictures airing on her show. 

She meant to be campy and sexual, and she did both well with her exaggerated mannerisms, ripped shroud of a dress with fishnet stockings, and that figure.  Ooo wee?  Can you imagine the pain?  It makes me think of Chinese foot binding.  Her show may have not lasted long, but she did get exposure on The Ed Sullivan Show and appear in a few national magazines.  It should come as no surprise to you that Vampira does have a cult following, and, at least through that, she does get to be channeled from beyond the grave. 

Fast forward thirty years, and we have Elvira who gave the Vampira character a reboot. Elvira, too, was a TV horror hostess for a show titled Movie Macabre, which, like The Vampira Show, featured a horror movie.  The Elvira character was perfect for the 80s scene with her sharp, quick-witted, Valley girl ways mixed with an extra helping of evil and goth.  She also ratcheted up the sex appeal with her even lower than Vampira cut dress.  I think it's justifiable to say that Elvira is much more popular than Vampira seeing as how she has name recognition, has been branded, has appeared in a Coors Light commercial, and is still asked to make appearances on TV, but she would have never existed had it not been for Vampira.  Below is a clip from Elvira: Mistress of the Dark from 1988.