Cutting the Blog Loose

To make sure I don't get a pink slip, I'm not going to be blogging under She Harps Again any longer.  I think it's the safest thing for me to do particularly since I'll be working for the government. 

I like to get snarky with it way too much, and, then, there's the temptation to use dirty, smutty words, because, boy, oh boy, they're my favorites when I'm trying to get a point across.

If you've enjoyed reading my blog, move on with me, because I'm going to start a new blog. I haven't decided what the theme will be or if the blog will have a theme, but I'll send my entries to Google+.

Lady Gaga's Body Revolution Ain't Got Much Back

 

 

 

Just a few weeks ago or even less than that Lady Gaga was being criticized in the media for having gained some weight.  Her costumes were a little too snug at some of her concerts, and, of course, body snarkers pounced on that extra poundage with cruel comments.  Some media outlets photoshopped Gaga to look larger, which is ironic considering glossy magazines are always making stars slimmer and wrinkle-free.  Gaga responded to the media by saying she had been indulging in carbs at her father's Italian restaurant in NYC and, as a result, had gained 25 pounds.  In true Gaga nature, she gave the body snarkers her middle finger and initiated a body revolution.  On her website, she posted photos of her fabulous +25 body in a bra and undies.  Now, I do agree with her speaking out and saying, "Yea, so I gained a few pounds?  Kiss my extra pounds."  But, come on, when extra pounds look like that.  Oh my, Dog!  With that said, I don't agree with her staging this body revolution. This photo display of her fabulous body just seems counter-productive in some ways, because people see Gaga's fabulous body being labeled pudge and feel even worse about their own bodies, because, for most of us out there, may we even be so lucky to look as good as her at her pudgiest.  Maybe it was a bad idea to stage this body revolution.  Could it be that this revolt is just reinforcing all those bad feelings about ourselves?  Why can't I look like a fat Gaga and so on and so forth. . .

 

I ask you to look at this photo above.  Does that look like chubbing out?  No.  She's even in direct sunlight, and there's no visible cellulite.  Her stomach looks pancake flat, and there's even some ribbage.  I can't see her butt, but I'm guessing that woman doesn't even have enough back to stage a body revolution.  Red beans and rice missed her, I just know it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Photo

If you've been following my past few daily photos, this is one of the backstops I was mentioning.  I thought that maybe the nets and rims were taken in at night for safe-keeping, so I asked a friend of mine who teaches at Delmae.  He told me that there are, in fact, no nets or rims.  That's Cash in the background.

Daily Photo

In keeping with my photo expose of the playground equipment at my alma mater, Delmae Elementary School, I'd like you to see that the kids play basketball using the funnel ball equipment, because they do not have basketball nets or rims.

Korean Air's "Coffee, Tea, or Me" Uniforms

In the sixties in America, flight attendants or, rather, stewardesses back then, were subjected to weigh-ins, and, of course, they had to be bubbly, beautiful, and available.  Then, along came the infamous line "coffee, tea, or me." Eventually, equality in the workplace, enforcement against sexual harassment, and the spread of the feminist movement did away with this female objectification in flight.  It looks like Korean Air is way behind in the evolution of feminism in the friendly skies.

This video I've posted is a Korean Air commercial that shows the new uniforms of Korean Air's flight attendants, so is that going to make you choose to fly Korean Air?  All of the attendants are females.  There is no male presence in sight except for the one Marlene Dietrich-esque suit ensemble, and gender bending hardly qualifies. 

The flight attendants dance to an electropop song while seductively doing teases with their uniforms.  Then, there's the strobe light effect. 

Does Korean Air have any amenities to offer?  I don't know, but looks like their flight attendants wear stylish uniforms.  That's really the only amenity I require when I fly-a fashionable piece of you know what serving me my Diet Coke and peanuts or wine if I'm sitting beside a lunatic. 

Nice work, Korean Air.

Impoliteness at The Gym and One of These Days I'm Going to Go All Walter Sobchak

I love Planet Fitness for several reasons.  It's a no frills gym;  there are no classes; no medieval-looking pilates machines; meatheadedness is discouraged; and it emphasizes physical health and fitness over sculpting your physique.  The cost is a steal at 10 dollars a month for a regular membership and 20 dollars a month for a black card membership, which does have its perks.  The black card membership allows you to bring a guest for free every single day if you want to, and you have free access to the massage chairs and tanning.  I don't use the tanning bed, but I do use the massage chairs from time to time.  I do, however, abuse the guest privilege.  Brad goes with me to the gym every time I go.  Those little extras do make the black card membership for the additional 10 dollars. 



The 30 Minute Express Workout Room

My most favorite thing about Planet Fitness, above all else, is the 30 minute express exercise circuit.  It's cloistered in a partitioned area in the far back corner of the gym.  As the name suggests, it only takes 30 minutes to complete the circuit.  There are 10 weight machines and 10 steppers.  The weight machines are lined around the outer circumference of the area and the 10 steppers are arranged in a circle in the center of the area.  A stoplight is at the top of the ceiling, and when the light turns green you do however many reps you're capable of on one of the weight machines.  Then, when the light turns red, you stop doing reps and move to one of the steppers, and, when the light turns green, you start stepping to get some cardio in to burn calories and boost your heart rate until the light turns red.  Then, you move to the next weight machine and repeat.

There's a numerical order to this workout, but there are some assholes who come into this area and think they can be all willy nilly and move from any numbered machine to any other numbered machine.  I want to scream, "There's an order to this, turd.  Follow it before you're eating my tennis shoe leather."  They mess up the whole system, so there I am waiting and waiting and getting madder and madder.  I feel myself getting hotter and hotter, and, if I'm listening to some tough ass rap song or rock song, I'm feeling a lot tougher than I am in the real world so tough, in fact, that I might pick a fight.  Thankfully, I never do.

Just the other day, there was this woman who got on the stepper that was intended for me.  All she was doing was stepping all lah dee dah like.  She was playing at working out like a kid plays house.  Being a good citizen, I was going in order the way the directions instructed me to do so, and I had to adjust my order for her lah dee dah self.  There I was accommodating this out-of-order pain in my ass.  Let me not forget to mention those two buff-o-zoid guys who routinely come into the express workout room to use the weight machines at their leisure and order of their choice.  Never mind that I'm trying to go in the specified order.  Oh yea, and how about wiping down the weight machines next time, jerkwads, so I don't have to clean the ass checks sweat spot you left me on the weight machine's seat?  Follow the rules, people.  Am I the only one who follows the damn rules?  I feel like Walter Sobchak way too much these days.

Daily Photo

The old playground equipment at Delmae Elementary School.  This has been around since my days, which puts this equipment at 20 to 22 years old.  Those are classroom mobile units in the background used to accommodate all the overcrowding of real estate in the school proper.  Making this atmosphere a little sadder is that there are no nets or rims on the basketball court.  There are only backstops. 

Daily Photo

Cash going down the slide at Delmae Elementary School, my alma mater.  Brad's at the top of the slide, and I chopped of his head.  You can see a little bit of his beard.  He's giving a shout out to the Heavy Metal Store in SLC, UT wearing his shirt "Heavy Metal Store, Peddling Evil Since 1987."

South Park Lampoons Honey Boo Boo

I commented on Google+ that watching South Park lampoon Honey Boo Boo wasn't as painful as watching the debate that had a lying, snake oil salesman, poking the lion Mittens and a lackluster, bored, indifferent, up his own ass Obama, but I'm now regretting my words.  South Park's lampoon was every bit as disturbing as the presidential debate.

The episode unfolds with James Cameron, my most hated director, diving 20,000 leagues down into the depths of the sea to raise the proverbial bar of standards.  Meanwhile, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo's ratings are soaring, Cartman gains a few extra pounds to get a prescription and insurance assistance for a motorized scooter to carry his girth, and Kyle, always the philosophical moral center, decides to make a documentary illustrating that we can be both sensitive to the obesity epidemic and intolerant of having to adjust our lifestyles to accommodate, well, motorized carts for the obese.

Token gets in on the documentary and together Token and Kyle decide to choose Cartman to be the star of their documentary, and they quickly begin chronicling Cartman's exploits.  After filming, Token edits the video footage without Kyle's knowledge.  Kyle believes he and Token are making a serious social commentary about obesity, but Token has another idea in mind that he doesn't share with Kyle.  Token assigns Cartman the moniker Fatty Poo Poo and piggybacks off the success of Honey Boo Boo to make some easy cash.  Kyle, of course, feels betrayed and is steaming mad.   

During Fatty Poo Poo's stardom, Honey Boo Boo gets a pig heart transplant from a sassy pig, and starts to mimic a pig oinking on the kitchen floor for some sketti, butter, and ketchup.  At this point, I feel outraged.  South Park should lay off the children, but it starts to become evident that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are quietly and smartly commenting on how their own show has lowered the bar.

In the end, James Cameron finds the bar, raises the bar, and people slowly begin acting with civility.  The sketti smackdown getting ready to take place between the nation's two, husky, nasty sweethearts-Fatty Poo Poo and Honey Boo Boo-is called off right in the middle of Honey Boo Boo slaughtering Fatty Poo Poo, and people in the smackdown audience collectively question why they're there watching that abomination.  Kyle looks to Stan and says something along the lines of "I wonder what this means for our future."  I think we know the answer to that.  South Park will continue to lower the bar, and I will likely continue to watch that show knowing that it's not good for me and my own personal bar.

Homemade Body Scrub That You Can Eat

I love, love, love this homemade body scrub that only has two ingredients-natural lemon juice and sugar.  I'm sure I read about this mixture somewhere, but I have no idea where; however, it could've been my idea during one of those moments of sublime genius that happens to me from time to time.

Usually lemons can be found in my kitchen, and sugar is always there seeing as how sugar is a staple cabinet item.  There's no science or math to mixing these two ingredients, and there's no equal parts or one part to two parts or whatever dipshit instructions like those mean.

Just pour sugar in a bowl and add lemon juice until you're satisfied with the consistency of the mixture.  You'll figure it out.

The sugar is going to remove dead, dull skin cells or what some Clarins make-up lady told me was the horny layer of your skin while she was looking at my skin with a sucking teeth, yuck face.  Sugar is also a natural glycolic acid, which evens skin tone, and sugar can improve the overall texture of your skin.

The lemon works as an astringent or toner minus the harsh alcohol that most drugstore astringents and toners contain, and it can tighten the skin and shrink pores.

I wouldn't use this on my face.  I'm pretty particular about the scrub I use on my face, because it should be very, very gentle, and I think that even a granule of sugar is too rough.  Please, if I can offer any advice on facial scrubs, it is to never ever under any condition use St. Ives Apricot Scrub.  That shit is like scouring your face with gravel bits.  And remember to be gentle on your face.  You don't have to rub a facial scrub in like you are sanding off three layers of lead-based paint that could kill you in 5-4-3-2-1.

Okay, so use this on your body not your face.  When you get out of the shower, apply lotion.  You're going to feel refreshed and moisturized.  Don't forget to eat the leftovers.

I Need a Good Dry Shampoo

I was using dry shampoo before it was cool, okay.  Yea, I was, and it was my little secret, a well kept secret that I didn't share with anyone.  Dry shampoo, at that time, wasn't easy to come by like it is now.  I was using the cult favorite, Batiste, in the blush scent.  Psst, like Batiste, has been around forever, but I've never tried it, because the bottle looks too old timey shaving cream can for my grandpa.  Ick.  Batiste works well.  I would give my hair and blast or two of this stuff, brush it out, and my hair would have a little volume to it, which was an added bonus.  I'd throw may hair up in a higher pony tail than usual with a little hair height at the crown of my head, and be skipping happy I got away with not washing my hair.

Well, I got cheap or cheaper.  It's not as if Batiste is expensive, but I went with the even cheaper Sauve.  This stuff sucks.  I blast it in my hair, and it turns my hair a gray-ish tint from the pressurized powdery substance in the can, which upsets me, because I can't seem to get that gray-ish color out once I blast it in.  It takes a lot of the Sauve to absorb the oil in my hair too.  I keep using it, because I'm going to feel guilty if I throw it out, but I'm going to throw it out one of these days after it dyes my hair gray, and I'm stomping mad.  The kind of stomping mad that can only be calmed with some chocolate and a Diet Coke or a cocktail. 

Don't skimp on a dry shampoo if you can help it.  If Sauve sucks, I bet Tresemme and all those other drugstore brands aren't so great either.  I'm going to go back to Batiste or I might buy Bed Head Rockaholic Dirty Secret Dry Shampoo, because I like the name.  Now, isn't that a smart shopper?  No, it's not.

Got suggestions on a good dry shampoo?

Yea, That's My Face Cream Beside the Cheese and Deli Meat. So?

I keep my face cream and my eye cream in the refrigerator, and when I put it on I go to heaven for a minute or two and shake hands with St. Peter on a cloud.  Then, I come back.

There are a few benefits to keeping your face and eye cream in the refrigerator.  First, there's a cooling sensation, and that's the handshake with St. Peter on a cloud experience.  The second benefit is that you're likely to not over apply, because the refrigeration firms and thickens the creams.  Since the creams are firm and thick, you feel like you don't need as much.  It's probably a brain trick, but it works.  My creams have lasted longer since going in the fridge.  I do know that much, and I think it's because of that little brain trick.  The cold application of the cream can help to tighten pores, which is another added bonus.  Beyond that, I don't know if there are any additional benefits, but it does make for a nice experience, and it does make a cream last longer, which is important to a lot of us during this time of economic woe.

I don't know if creams can have temperature shock when they are moved from cold to hot.  It's not funny, because your cream really can get shocked.  How would you like that to happen to you?  I always leave mine in the fridge, and don't move them.  That might be something for you to consider.  Moving from temperature to temperature could compromise the integrity of the cream as in that cream might go whoring it up.  No, silly.  Compromise the integrity as in it might weaken the ingredients of the cream.

Daily Photo

The Snapping Turtle that Brad and I saved.  We found it in his parents' neighbor's yard, and we captured it, put it in a plastic box, and dropped it off in the river.  It did a scared pee in the box.  See in the corner.  Poor, sad, little turtle.  We made it happy again though.

Two Halloween Hotties to Go Batty Over

 

 

Before Elvira was even wearing a training bra, there was Vampira, the first TV horror hostess with the mostest and I mean mostest as in cup size.  Her self-titled show ran for maybe a year in the mid 50s, and there were around 50 episodes, with a running time of an hour and a half each, all of which aired only in LA on an ABC affiliate network. 

Vampira had impossibly long nails and an even longer cigarette holder, and she'd do a seductive lounge on a velvet, Victorian settee while introducing the various D-List horror pictures airing on her show. 

She meant to be campy and sexual, and she did both well with her exaggerated mannerisms, ripped shroud of a dress with fishnet stockings, and that figure.  Ooo wee?  Can you imagine the pain?  It makes me think of Chinese foot binding.  Her show may have not lasted long, but she did get exposure on The Ed Sullivan Show and appear in a few national magazines.  It should come as no surprise to you that Vampira does have a cult following, and, at least through that, she does get to be channeled from beyond the grave. 

Fast forward thirty years, and we have Elvira who gave the Vampira character a reboot. Elvira, too, was a TV horror hostess for a show titled Movie Macabre, which, like The Vampira Show, featured a horror movie.  The Elvira character was perfect for the 80s scene with her sharp, quick-witted, Valley girl ways mixed with an extra helping of evil and goth.  She also ratcheted up the sex appeal with her even lower than Vampira cut dress.  I think it's justifiable to say that Elvira is much more popular than Vampira seeing as how she has name recognition, has been branded, has appeared in a Coors Light commercial, and is still asked to make appearances on TV, but she would have never existed had it not been for Vampira.  Below is a clip from Elvira: Mistress of the Dark from 1988.

Internet Detritus

Babies Kind of Hate Mitt(ens) Romney    


Kelly Osbourne Gets a $250,000 Black Diamond Manicure and Bitch Better Be Happy Some Poor Person Didn't Cut Off One of Her Sausage Fingers


10 Things We're So Over on Pinterest


Problems With the 2012 Emmy Awards in Five Pictures 

Daily Photo

Is that my leash?  I must be tripping, because that looks like a Cemophora coccinea.

Why Does the Shampoo Always Run Out Before the Condition?

I really, really, really hate it when the shampoo bottle runs out before the conditioner bottle, and I know this happens to you too.  It happens to every girl unless you're that annoying girl who follows all the women's magazines amount suggestions and only uses a quarter size amount for both shampooing and conditioning your hair.

One reason it irritates me so much that I hiss in the shower is because I hate to mix my shampoos and conditioners.  I'm just Type A like that.  I do not want to mix my shampoo with a non-matching brand and type of conditioner, but I also don't want to  buy a brand new bottle of conditioner to match the half empty shampoo bottle, because I like to use different brands, which means I have lots of half empty shampoo bottles in the shower since I have to have matching sets.

I use way too much conditioner in my hair, because I think it's going to nourish all those broken, split ends, but it's not.  It's not going to fuse them back together, and over-conditioning just weighs down my baby fine hair making it limp, but I want to believe split ends are fused back and the conditioner is going to make my hair soft, manageable, and bouncy like all those women in the shampoo and conditioner commercials who, we all know it, did not use the shampoo and conditioner being marketed to us. 

Because I use too much conditioner, I'm left with half a bottle of shampoo.  Near the end of the conditioner bottle's supply, I do try damn hard to make the conditioner last by taking the top off with my teeth, yes, in the shower, adding water, and shaking it up.  That maybe works for a few days, and then it's gone, and I'm left with half a bottle of shampoo, and I'm hissing in the shower once again.

Daily Photo

Tuck Schroeder in.  Nap time.

Daily Photo

Taken three summers ago at Antelope Island (45 minutes outside of Salt Lake City) when my family came to visit me.  Great trip! 

Is OPI or Essie The Better Nail Polish?

Versus

 

I rarely get manicures and pedicures with the exception of an occasional trip to the nail salon with a girlfriend or two, which happens maybe once or twice a year. That means I give myself a lot of manicures and pedicures at home.  If you're good at doing nails, then you really should reconsider all those expensive trips to the nail salon.  Just think about this, you could get maybe four or five bottles of a luxe nail polish brand for the cost of a salon manicure and pedicure, but which luxe nail polish should you buy?

 

There are several luxe nail polish brands-Essie, OPI, Orly, China Glaze, Zoya-that are stocked at the make-up meccas Ulta and Sephora.  I'm not going to waste my time product reviewing Orly, China Glaze, or Zoya, because they suck.  Essie and OPI, on the other hand, are fantastic!  With that said, they are very different from each other, but do share some similarities.

 

Both Essie and OPI have lasting power.  Whether you use Essie or OPI, your toenail polish is going to last for maybe one and half to two weeks, and that's not an exaggeration.  Your fingernail polish will look good for probably three days.  By the fourth day, you're going to have some chipping.  This is actually pretty good when you think about everything you do with your hands and nails during the day.  

 

OPI, unlike Essie, has a wide brush with a fat handle, which makes it faster and easier to paint your nails.  Swipe, swipe, you're done unless you go back and apply a second coat, which I always do.  Then it's swipe, swipe, blow nail, swipe, swipe.  Essie has a thinner brush with a skinny handle.  Because of its thinner brush, you do have to do about three swipes on the nail, and you have to be a little more careful to make sure you get an even paint coverage.

 

OPI nail polish may have a wider brush, but Essie doesn't get thick and goopy like OPI does after you've had it for a while.  The thick goopy sets in about a month after buying OPI, which is way too soon considering its price.  You can still use it, but the finished job isn't going to look as good as it did when you first used it.  That's why I prefer Essie to OPI, but I do have to admit OPI has more cutesy names for their colors, but what's in a name?

 

Take your pick.